Small & Simple Things

“Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.”

This is a wonderful scripture found in the Doctrine and Covenants. It can be applied to many things. But today, I would like to apply it to our marriages. You've probably heard it said, it's the little things that make the biggest difference. For anyone in a committed relationship, I'm sure you would agree that it's true. It's not the lavish anniversary trip or the expensive gift that keep us in love with our spouse. It's the daily words and actions that we communicate to one another that keep the romance alive. And the crazy thing about it, is that these little words and actions don't even have to be romantic! It can be as simple as asking each other how your day was, or pointing out something interesting that happened to you that day.

 Dr. Gottman, the marriage expert, noted that it was the couples who were engaged in each other's lives were the happiest. Sadly for us humans, sometimes we get caught up in life and get tired of doing the little things. This is where the scripture comes in. It may seem like we're doing some mundane kind of things every day, but we have to remember that we are laying the foundation for a great marriage and a great relationship. Out of those small things, we will build a great future and a lasting relationship. 

In my relationship with my fiance, it has been the little things he has done that continue to build our relationship. He is thoughtful of me and shows me that by making breakfast for me or by taking my hand in the store. He is also the biggest tease, and communicates his love by teasing me. He often reaches over and tickles me or makes jokes about things that I do. It makes me feel good to know that he recognizes the things I do and wants to be close to me. 

Dr. Gottman, refers to these ways in which we stay close to each other as "turning toward each other." There can be challenges when it comes to this. For example, perhaps you initiate a "turn" toward your significant other. You may reach for their hand or invite them to do something with you. If they turn you down, or don't accept your invite, it could leave you feeling insecure and dejected. You will be less likely to initiate something like that. Sometimes we make turns to one another, and maybe the timing just isn't right. Perhaps your partner is having a bad day, or is in their head thinking about something too much and they just don't recognize that you are trying to turn to them. This is why it's important to be observant of each other, and open your eyes so you can recognize when your partner makes a turn toward you. 

It is great to recognize that it is the little things that make the biggest difference in our marriage and in our relationships. We don't need to go all out and do crazy romantic things to keep the love going. This is comforting to me and gives me confidence that I can do this. Begin now by laying that foundation for a happy relationship.