Let's Talk about Sacrifice

You've probably heard it before: Relationships are all about sacrifice. What exactly does that mean? And does it really ring true? 

Sister Carol B. Thomas, a counselor in the Young Women Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints said, "Sacrifice...can develop a profound love for each other and our Savior." I love this quote. I have seen the truth of it in my relationships. For those people that I have sacrificed the most for, I feel the closest bond. I think that is because when you have to give something up for someone, you become more invested in them. 

Sacrifice is not easy and requires a lot of faith. I have recently had an experience that illustrates this principle. I am from Idaho and my fiance' is from Alabama. We met on our mission to England and dated long-distance for a few months. Our relationship got to the point where it couldn't progress much farther over the distance.  Together we decided that I should move to Alabama so that we could date in person. He had a job, and I had the convenience of doing online school so it would be easier for me to move than him. It took me a lot of praying and faith to come to the decision to move. I would basically be uprooting my life and moving to another part of the country with a bunch of people that I didn't know. I was terrified, yet I knew that it was a sacrifice that would pay off in the long-run. It was a rough transition at the start, but over time I was so glad I had made the sacrifice to move. In the end, it didn't feel like a sacrifice at all. 

That is true about most, if not all sacrifices that we make in life. Although they seem like a lot at the time, they end up coming back around to us and benefiting us. I believe that when we sacrifice for others, we are blessed to see them through more humble eyes and we love them even more for it.

Carol B. Thomas, Sacrifice: An Eternal Investment April 2001 General Conference

The Importance of Friendship in Marriage

I am beyond grateful for the wonderful example of my parents' marriage. In all the years that I lived at home, I never once saw them fight. This isn't to say that they didn't have disagreements or arguments, but they did a great job of diffusing those arguments in front of us children. The way that a couple is able to handle conflict is a great indicator of the quality and overall satisfaction of the relationship. It is said that for every negative thing that you may do in a relationship (for example, criticizing your spouse), it takes five positive things to get that relationship back to equilibrium. I was surprised by this ratio, but it gives you a good idea of the way that negative sentiments can affect the quality of a relationship.

"Friendship is vital in marriage"

In our marriage class this week, we learned that strong marriages are founded on strong friendships. You may have heard the phrase, "You marry your best friend." Well, that would be ideal! But in many cases, it isn't true. It makes sense though, that if your relationship is first a strong friendship, then your marriage will thrive. That foundation of a friendship will always be there and will not be moved by the challenges of life. When you think of your best friend, you probably think of someone whom you go to whenever something difficult comes your way. You think of someone that you can talk to anything about, one with whom you can be completely yourself. You probably think of someone whom you can laugh and cry with. Friends may disagree at times, but they know that they can't stay mad at each other for long, because they miss their best friend! This is why friendship is so vital in marriage. Life is tough, and it throws you some unexpected curve-balls. But the blows are softened when you can take them with your best friend by your side.

I am grateful for the best friend in my life. I am not yet married, but I am recently engaged. Before we started dating, Justin and I referred to each other as "my best friend." Although we lived two thousand miles apart, he was the first person I wanted to talk to when something went wrong. I always knew that he would be there for me and that he would give me good advice. I knew that he would want the best for me and so I trusted him. Somehow, time passed and what was once a friendship, caught on fire and became an abiding love. He is still my best friend and he always will be. This is why I feel confident that we will have a successful and happy marriage. I look forward to the difficult and the joyful times that will arise, because I know that we will grow together and that our friendship will only grow stronger.

Me and my best friend! 

For Time & All Eternity

...For Time and All Eternity

It's a common phrase used among members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. But what does it mean? And why is it important?

When I was little girl, about three years old, I had a favorite song that I would frequently sing throughout the day. It goes like this:

I love to see the temple

I'm going there someday

To feel the holy spirit

To listen and to pray

For the temple is a house of God

A place of love and beauty

I'll prepare myself while I am young

This is my sacred duty

I love to see the temple 

I'll go inside someday

I'll covenant with my father

I'll promise to obey

For the temple is a holy place

Where we are sealed together

As a child of God I've learned this truth

A family is forever

As a child I didn't fully understand what this song meant, but as I've grown older, these words have been a source of strength and security for me. Latter-Day Saints believe that in Holy Temples we can be "sealed" to our families, meaning that we can be together forever with them if we are obedient to the promises we make to the Lord. This knowledge gives a different and more meaningful perspective on marriage. An eternal perspective means that a marriage and family is treated differently. If you want something to last forever, you have to take care of it. In some ways, it's a scary thought to think that the person you choose to marry will be yours forever, because you want to make the right choice. But it is also one of the most comforting truths, especially for those who may have lost their spouse.

When Latter-Day Saints are married in temples, they make covenants with one another as well as with God to love and cherish one another and to be faithful throughout their lives. A covenant is a two way promise. When a couple makes these covenants with God, God promises in return to strengthen them throughout life and exaltation and eternal life after they die. 'These are magnificent blessings that are conditional upon obedience. Nonmembers also make covenants when they are married. They promise that they will be true to each other, to love and cherish one another through sickness and health, etc. Unfortunately, these covenants are not always upheld and a "contract" view of marriage is slowly creeping into society.

A contract view of marriage is not one that will last. Someone with this view will withdraw their contract when things get hard. They won't invest all that they have in the relationship because they think they can just leave when they can't handle it anymore. This is definitely not the type of perspective you should have when going into a marriage.

So what can you do to ensure that your marriage is a covenant marriage and not a contractual marriage?

I think it's good to realize that you and your spouse are going to have disagreements, and that that's okay! There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you aren't disagreeing on the big things. Make sure to talk about those big things before you get married to make sure that they won't be a problem.

It's also important that going into the marriage or even the relationship, you make sure that you and your partner have the same expectations of where the relationship is heading. If one person is more committed than the other, that could be a problem. You need to understand that a marriage isn't going to be easy and it will take work, but the more that you work at it, the more you will cherish that relationship.

Marriage is not just a contract that can be ended whenever you want it to. It is a sacred union between man and woman that should be treated as such. So much joy and happiness awaits those who will work through the hard times and continue in their marriage with faith.

Same-Sex Marriage: What are the consequences?

Not too long ago, we were sitting at the table playing a game as a family when a comment was made about same-sex marriage. Even among a family of Latter-Day Saints, there were differing opinions and it didn't take long before you could feel the tension in the room. Ten years ago, this wouldn't have been a topic of conversation. Now days, gay rights and same sex marriage is everywhere you go. It's on many television shows, it's on the news in courtrooms, and in the public.

There are many arguments to be made about same-sex marriage.  Some say that love is love and that denying a couple to be married is denying them a fundamental right. These people will argue that granting a marriage to a gay couple does not affect other people's marriages, so what's the bother? They view those that oppose same sex marriage as bigots and "not with the times." They are accused of being judgmental and old-fashioned.

Some Concerns

Those who oppose same-sex marriage are aware of the long-term consequences of same-sex marriage. They argue that allowing gays to be legally married will change the definition of marriage altogether which in turn will change families. Some other implications that same-sex marriage will have is influencing religious ceremonies. If same-sex marriage is legalized, many religious institutions could be forced to administer ceremonies against their beliefs. As one who opposes same-sex marriage, this is one of the greatest concerns to me.  As stated in the Family: A Proclamation to the World, marriage is to between a man and a woman. We believe that they should be sealed to one another in holy temples through the authority of the priesthood. It would be totally against our beliefs to administer these ordinances to a gay couple.

Another of my biggest concerns is the long-term consequences on the family with the legalization of gay marriage. Along with same-sex marriage, comes same-sex adoption. Those who argue that gay marriage is a right, will also argue that gay adoption is a right. How will this impact children who are adopted into these families? This is where it gets scary--because we just don't know. Not enough time has passed and not enough research has been done to say what the effects of this will be. These changes in the structure of the family will not just be internal, but they will be external. Schools will have to start teaching their students about these different relationships. Bullying will most likely be common in such circumstances, so these teaching opportunities will most likely be common. With more talk of same-sex marriage and gay rights, it will become more normal and more acceptable. Will these lead to more same-sex relationships? If children are taught at a young age that this is normal and acceptable, will they be more likely to be curious and explore their gender attraction? This is another concern to me. The more normal something becomes, the more likely it is to be replicated and approved of.

Although I oppose same-sex marriage, I try my best to understand and respect other people's views. We are so lucky to live in a country where we can have freedom of speech and feel free to express our opinions. We must still be careful not to be tolerant of these views. We must speak up about what we believe. If we don't, then who will?

To Those On the Fence...

I want to make a shout out to those people who are on the fence. There are many people who want to follow the prophet and guidelines from the church leaders, but who are influenced by the arguments of the world. They understand the doctrine of the family but they also empathize with those who have same-gender attraction. They are empathetic and loving people who just want to keep the peace and make everyone happy. I am very close to one of these people and although I disagree with his views, I love him nonetheless. I can admit that although I don't understand everything regarding this topic, and I don't know what the long-term consequences will be, I do know that the Lord knows everything. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and his ways are higher than our ways! I know that He guides us through His living prophet. It is this knowledge that helps me to maintain my faith even when things get confusing. I trust that He knows what is best for His children and would never lead us astray.