When I think about the community in which I was raised, I'm grateful for good examples of relationships all around me. I'm one of those lucky people to have a mother and a father that have been happily married now for almost 25 years, with both of their parents in loving marriages as well. But, I'm not so naive to think that this is the norm. In fact, I think it's probably the exception. I have not experienced divorce at very personal level but I have friends and family who have and I have witnessed the trauma divorce causes.
More and more marriages are ending in divorce, and as a result, the rising generations are scared of making that commitment when all around them it doesn't seem to be working. These are only a few of the trends surrounding the subject of marriage. Cohabitation rates are also increasing, and it isn't uncommon for children to be born out of wedlock. The average age to get married is getting higher as well as the idea of individualism is sweeping across the country.
So why the fuss? Do these trends really matter? From an outsider's perspective who doesn't have any personal affiliation with divorce, it can be difficult to see why these trends are important. Growing up I got particularly close to a family that I babysat for frequently. I wasn't aware at all that they were going through anything in their marriage and I was very shocked one day to find that they were getting a divorce. They had three young children at the time, varying from ages 5-12. Over the years, I have watched with sadness and seen how traumatic this experience has been for all of them, especially their children. I'm Facebook friends with their daughter and see frequent posts of a depressive nature
.
I have witnessed divorce in my extended family as well. Just recently, someone I know posted a picture of a letter that her daughter had written to her school teacher. It all started with the, "I wish my teacher knew" initiative... Something that has been spreading across schools. Children write something that they wish their teacher knew and it's been a good way at opening up communication between students and teachers. This sweet little girl, a third grader, wrote:
"I wish my teacher knew... That my homework is not always turned in because my mom and dad are divorced so I go to my dads home sometimes or my step sisters are over..."
Now although this could also be a means at getting out of homework, all you have to do is read between the lines to find a hurting child who is in need of attention and love. I wonder how many children are affected by divorces worldwide. These examples only represent a small portion of the heartbreak experienced with divorce. On the other hand, many children experience heartbreak and trauma in families where the mother and father are constantly fighting. So what are the grounds for getting a divorce?
While there are many just causes to consider divorce, like Elder Oaks said, personality differences and falling out of love are not good reasons, and yet I think that many people get divorces because of these reasons, (Oaks, 2007). It's important for people to understand that getting a divorce does not guarantee future happiness and that the struggles don't stop just because you get a divorce... they just manifest in different ways. In the midst of these marriage trends and apathy towards the marriage covenant, it is vital that we actively preserve our families and promote the sanctity of marriage. We can do this by teaching our children correct gospel principles. We can do this by loving and respecting our spouse at all times and by realizing that marriage won't always be easy. We need to be aware of the problems around us and be willing to stand up for what we believe.
D.H. Oaks, (May 2007), Divorce Ensign
More and more marriages are ending in divorce, and as a result, the rising generations are scared of making that commitment when all around them it doesn't seem to be working. These are only a few of the trends surrounding the subject of marriage. Cohabitation rates are also increasing, and it isn't uncommon for children to be born out of wedlock. The average age to get married is getting higher as well as the idea of individualism is sweeping across the country.
So why the fuss? Do these trends really matter? From an outsider's perspective who doesn't have any personal affiliation with divorce, it can be difficult to see why these trends are important. Growing up I got particularly close to a family that I babysat for frequently. I wasn't aware at all that they were going through anything in their marriage and I was very shocked one day to find that they were getting a divorce. They had three young children at the time, varying from ages 5-12. Over the years, I have watched with sadness and seen how traumatic this experience has been for all of them, especially their children. I'm Facebook friends with their daughter and see frequent posts of a depressive nature
.
I have witnessed divorce in my extended family as well. Just recently, someone I know posted a picture of a letter that her daughter had written to her school teacher. It all started with the, "I wish my teacher knew" initiative... Something that has been spreading across schools. Children write something that they wish their teacher knew and it's been a good way at opening up communication between students and teachers. This sweet little girl, a third grader, wrote:
"I wish my teacher knew... That my homework is not always turned in because my mom and dad are divorced so I go to my dads home sometimes or my step sisters are over..."
Now although this could also be a means at getting out of homework, all you have to do is read between the lines to find a hurting child who is in need of attention and love. I wonder how many children are affected by divorces worldwide. These examples only represent a small portion of the heartbreak experienced with divorce. On the other hand, many children experience heartbreak and trauma in families where the mother and father are constantly fighting. So what are the grounds for getting a divorce?
While there are many just causes to consider divorce, like Elder Oaks said, personality differences and falling out of love are not good reasons, and yet I think that many people get divorces because of these reasons, (Oaks, 2007). It's important for people to understand that getting a divorce does not guarantee future happiness and that the struggles don't stop just because you get a divorce... they just manifest in different ways. In the midst of these marriage trends and apathy towards the marriage covenant, it is vital that we actively preserve our families and promote the sanctity of marriage. We can do this by teaching our children correct gospel principles. We can do this by loving and respecting our spouse at all times and by realizing that marriage won't always be easy. We need to be aware of the problems around us and be willing to stand up for what we believe.
D.H. Oaks, (May 2007), Divorce Ensign
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