Physical Intimacy

This is one of the more awkward subjects to discuss on a blog, but it’s one that I think is so important if not VITAL to marriages. 

 Physical intimacy can either bring some of the greatest joy and unity to a marriage or the most pain and sadness.  When we marry someone, we are giving our whole selves to them and that includes sex.  In other areas of our relationship, I think most of us are very good at having clear and concise communication.  We talk about where we want to live, how we’re going to raise our kids, what our specific roles are going to be… But sometimes, couples feel insecure and uncomfortable when it comes to communicating about their sexual lives. 

 It is important for individuals to learn and understand that they have a stewardship in their marriage to be responsible for discussing and working toward compromise in sexual matters. 

I am not married and therefore don’t have any experience in this area, but I have heard of relationships that have failed because couples didn’t talk about their issues. It may be uncomfortable at first, but I really believe that talking about these things will bring happiness. It is also very important that couples are aware of the patterns that begin infidelity.  People don’t just immediately start by being unfaithful to their spouse. It usually begins because one spouse feels like they are not getting something from the other- whether that be emotional support or physical attention. They start to look for these attributes in other people.  Then, it just starts casually. It may be a colleague at work or someone at church.  They can justify being around these people because they are doing “good” things. Then they start fantasizing about this person and comparing them to their current spouse.  Eventually they start to develop feelings and even engage in what they call “innocent” behavior, like a kiss or a hug. If they go down this road too long, you know what happens.  They may be caught in a tempting situation and they may give in. 

All of this could just have been avoided if they had recognized this pattern at the beginning and if they had put their trust in their spouse instead of someone else.  I have seen how destructive this pattern can be and how easily it is for trust to be broken. People need to be better informed and they need to build trusting and open relationships with their spouse to avoid infidelity. 

If you and your spouse are struggling to discuss these issues with each other, it may be helpful to see a counselor who will be understanding and also respectful of your standards and beliefs.